The Undead series is by far her best. Betsy Taylor is a young woman who winds up getting hit by a car and reluctantly becomes the vampire queen of the entire vampire race. She hates it, and would rather be rushing sales at Macy's and stocking her closet with designer shoes (she lurrrves shoes). If there was such a thing as a literary soulmate, Betsy would be mine. Half the things she says and thinks are equal to mine, and the other half are the things I'm thinking in my head and wished I had the balls to say. Her ongoing inner monologues are freaking hilarious I don't even think it would matter if the book had plot. MJ could title it "Betsy goes to the mall and buys a Slurpee and it would be awesome.
Because the latest book, Undead and Underwater is a collection of novellas (including non-Betsy books), I'm not going to do a full-out review. My reviews tend to be on the long winded side and it could end up being longer than the book itself Instead, I've compiled a few (ok, more than a few - it was hard to pick!) of my most favorite scenes and quotes from various Betsy Taylor books to try and persuade you to go out and read these books.
“I was so furious I was actually dizzy with it. There were so many bitchy, sarcastic observations to make, I was having a sarcasm stroke. "My God! You people! You're - you're so stupid you're making my eyeballs throb. They're throbbing, dammit!"
--Undead and Unfinished
“I—I adore you, too. Well, I don't know if I adore you. That's not really the word I'd use. But I—I—" I managed to wrench it out. God, this was hard! "I love you."
"Of course you do," he said, totally unsurprised.
"WHAT? I finally tell you my deepest, most personal feelings and you're all, 'Yeah, I already got that memo'? This, this is why you drive me nuts! This is why it's so hard to tell you things! I take it back.”
--Undead and Unappreciated
“Sinclair doesn't love your sister."
"Not yet." I said darkly. "Give him time."
"Look, I'm sure he's interested in her—"
"Wait till you see her. Just wait."
"Like he doesn't have pussy thrown at him from cars?"
"What a horrifying mental image.”
--Undead and Unappreciated
“Zombieland reference," Jon said, nodding.
"How do you know that? That's a thousand-year-old reference!" I looked at Laura.
"I can't think of a single movie from a thousand years ago." "Uh...Betsy..."
"Don't say it." You know how you don't know how stupid something is until you hear yourself say it? That happened to me a lot.”
--Undead and Unfinished
""Let me in! You guys! C'mon, open up! I was burying the stupid cat, I didn't think iI needed my keys!"
A deeply amused, laughed-choked voice drifted from the dog-free side: "What...is...the password?"
"You fucker, open this door!"
"That," the king of vampires replied," "was the last weeks password."
"Sinclair!"
"Also incorrect."
"You shit! You think there won't be a giant payback for this? There will be major giant payback, asshat! Enjoy sleeping on the couch for the next five decades.""
--Undead and Unstable
""You realize you're not in any actual danger, darling."
"Sez you, butt monkey! Open! This! Door! That a royal command, buddy, from your queen. Who is allowed to give royal commands and also allowed to kill you and eat you if you disobey and I don't mean that in a sexy way, either!"
The door opened so quickly I fell into our entryway shrieking all the way down
"Die Die Die D-oh. I'm inside now.""
--Undead and Unstable
""It's like an episode of Three's Company, with the goofy misunderstandings. Plus attempted murder ant the pretty high chance at least one of you will end up shot in the face."
Betsy grimaced and shook her head. "Hate getting shot. Stings like crazy.""
--Undead and Underwater
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